When you really listen to another person from their point of view, and reflect back to them that understanding, it’s like giving them emotional oxygen.
The more invested I am in my own ideas about reality, the more those experiences will feel like victimizations rather than the ups and downs of relating. Actually, I believe that the less I conceptualize things that way, the more likely it is that people will want to stay by me, because they will not feel burdened, consciously or unconsciously, by my projections, judgments, entitlements, or unrealistic expectations.
I’ve never heard a man say:
“Not all women are like that.” or
“But my mother is not like that!!” not even “My girlfriend is not like that.”
“My wife is not like that.”
“My sister is not like that.”
“Please stop generalising women.”
Haha. Won’t happen.
I mean, if the relationship can’t survive the long term, why on earth would it be worth my time and energy for the short term?
I used to hold this view for a long time. Then I realized, there are certain people at certain stages of your life you’re supposed to be with. For whatever reason, there was something you had to learn from them or they had to learn from you. There was reason your energies drew each other in. Just because something won’t last forever it doesn’t make it any less important. I feel that as humans we need guarantees and commitments, but love comes and goes, and like the wind passing by it is free as can be. We do not own love and it cannot be captured into our words of “forever” or “long-term”.
Love shouldn’t feel circumstantial. It shouldn’t feel as if I love you more than you love me or vice versa. There shouldn’t be conditions, levels or lesser degrees of love. If there are then whatever you’re feeling is something else. Maybe lust, maybe like, maybe comfort – but certainly not love. The effort shouldn’t be one-sided; all of the little things can’t come from one contributor; and if you hurt, your companion should as well.
Chaos is what we’ve lost touch with. This is why it is given a bad name. It is feared by the dominant archetype of our world, which is Ego, which clenches because its existence is defined in terms of control.
There is a fine balance between honoring the past and losing yourself in it. For example, you can acknowledge and learn from mistakes you made, and then move on and refocus on the now. It is called forgiving yourself.
If you obsess over whether you are making the right decision, you are basically assuming that the universe will reward you for one thing and punish you for another.
The universe has no fixed agenda. Once you make any decision, it works around that decision. There is no right or wrong, only a series of possibilities that shift with each thought, feeling, and action that you experience.
If this sounds too mystical, refer again to the body. Every significant vital sign- body temperature, heart rate, oxygen consumption, hormone level, brain activity, and so on- alters the moment you decide to do anything… decisions are signals telling your body, mind, and environment to move in a certain direction.
Sorry everyone for my absence.
I just moved to Israel a week ago and it’s been an adjustment. Between finding and apartment, getting my bank account, health insurance, and job set up, AND working around the holidays - it’s been a struggle.
On top of this I got food poisoning two days ago. So I haven’t been able to stomach much and have been weakly running around to open houses.
At one point I realized I was forgetting to be grateful. I am back in the country I made myself a promise 8 months ago to come back to. I am with family. I am fed and at peace. What else could I need? I can tell you what I don’t yet have plenty of, and that’s fear of the future. Fear of war, running out of money, failure.
I’ve began the tradition I kept up last year of asking myself what three things I am grateful for at the end of everyday. Right now I need it to keep a positive mind and push through the tough moments of acclimation I’m having in this new home.
Wishing everyone a happy new year 😊
Much love ❤️
Hiii Michal! I answered you’re last message with a whole Megillah of a letter and now I see it wasn’t sent 😩 חבלללל
Thank you so much for you’re sweet and kid supportive words!!! They’re so nice to hear. Im adjusting well here in the holy land, found an apartment and will sign a contract for it on Sunday! It’s right in Jerusalem I am really excited.
Where in Israel are you from? Tell me more about yourself PLEASEEEE 😊
שנה תובה ומתוקה נשמה!!! ❤️@y-michal